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Thursday, January 10, 2013

I Want Out (Please)

So many people in this world have less living and personal space than I do. Granted,  I don't personally know any of them, but I've seen pictures of tents in Africa and I know I've got it made in the shade compared to them.
So I am ashamed when I have burning desires to own my own home, to have a McLean kitchen that I can organize, a closet with McLean items only, a living room with pictures on every wall of our lives together. What is wrong with me? Who cares?? So I live with my husband and FOUR children in my GRANDMOTHER's home. So there are 4 other adults who live here besides us, for a grand total of TEN human beings in one house...no big deal! Why can't I get over it????

I'll tell you what I think. I think it's because what I have isn't normal.  Most people when they start families of their own, they have a small space of their own.  Wherever they live, wherever they're growing their family, they have their own space. Even if they rent their own space, it's still a personalized area, a territory they can pee all over and feel proud about. And more and more lately it seems my peers are in the beautiful place in life where they can actually purchase their own space. What a beautiful dream!! And I have genuine joy for them when they do! But I want it so badly for us I could cry. Oh wait. I do cry.

Everyone close to this big family of mine(depending on who's reading this, may be your family too) knows we are blessed, in many ways, by living here at the nuthouse--there's always someone available to watch a baby when I want to run to Winn Dixie or have an impromptu ice cream date with my man. I am not ungrateful for those moments. But I have yet to find a friend who can truly relate to our situation. We live with my Abuela, my mother, my father, and my sister.  I have lived with my husband, JUST my husband, and our kids, for 1 year out of the 6 years we've been married. Dear Lord. I know there are unforseen circumstances where you end up down the road having to house your degenerate sibling for his temporary financial crisis, but don't most people get a little personal time first? As a family unit? Just you and him and your tiny people you made together? Don't most people get that experience?

You know that freecreditreport commercial where the guy sings about having to live in his in-law's basement? Ryan used to lovingly sing that to me when we first moved in here...5 years ago. Now he doesn't sing it. It's just not that funny to us anymore.

I Married My Dreamgirl

When you say your prayers tonight, would you do me a solid and add us to your list? We don't need much. We know how to live in a small space. I just want to someday (soon please God! I know you read my blog) have a space that I can call my own. I am going to buy a McLean doormat tomorrow, because I have faith that we will be able to use it on our own doorstep soon. Thank you. Goodnight.

2 comments:

  1. Hi Danielle! You don't know me, but I wanted to write you a quick note to say you're not alone. I understand what you're going through -- to a small degree. Our family of 5 (and our dog) is currently living in my mother's house, and it's definitely challenging. I share your same feelings -- blessed on multiple levels, truly grateful, yet at the same time, eager for the next step in His plan for us. Hang in the sister! It's all for His glory!

    With love,
    Jennifer

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  2. Thank you Jennifer! For whatever reason it's nice to know there are others in our position.

    ~Danielle

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